Maybe Baby?

It seems like everywhere I look and everyone I see is pregnant. I swear I’ve seen at least 10 gender reveals on social media this week. Seeing all these post are really starting to get to me. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for everyone that are blessed to be growing their families but it also reminds me of the struggles I had to endure to be blessed with my son, and what I am going to have to go through to possibly try again for another. PCOS sucks. Infertility sucks. Being told you may not be able to have children hurts. All of the test and procedures before even trying can just kick rocks. On top of PCOS my psoriatic arthritis doesn’t help either. All of the medications to keep me sane and pain free also put a halt to baby making. Every time someone ask when we are going to have another I just want to lock myself in my room and cry under my blankets. My husband and I weren’t very vocal about everything we went through to conceive Owen. We knew it was going to be rough and we thought it was best to keep it to ourselves. Know one understands. Yes it’s our fault no one does, but it’s hard to talk about and now knowing that when we do decide to start trying again I have to not only go through everything again but also have to be free and clear of my PA meds. I have been in remission from PA for a year now. I have been pain free for a year now. How soon after stopping my meds will I start hurting again? Not being able to walk again. How long will it take us to conceive? Then another nine months of pregnancy. Will I nurse? For how long? All of these things I have to think about and strongly consider before we decide to add to our family. Am I ready? Is there anything I can do to make it easier? We will see.
No we are not going to start trying now, but I can start preparing my mind and body for when we are ready. Diet and exercise is a must and lots of calls and visits to the doctors. I will do this. I will be ready. We will be ready.
I know this is all over the place and I apologize. It’s just the way my brain flows and the thoughts come out.

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2 thoughts on “Maybe Baby?

  1. I feel the same way! My son is almost two now and people keep asking “so are you going to have more? when??” I wish I had a pamphlet I could just hand to people describing pcos and what it is, just so I can stop having the tiring conversations where I tip toe around the fact that it’s really hard for us to conceive.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, a pamphlet or even a business card that says ” hey! I suffer from infertility! Back off!” I’m tired of explaining as well. So I’m just to the point of saying we aren’t ready yet, or it will happen when it happens. It just stinks that it’s the same people over and over, and most are close friends and family. They don’t understand that just because we have one doesn’t mean another is in the cards for us!

      Liked by 1 person

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